Let’s face it, no matter your profession most of us love an occasional drink to unwind, but what does your choice of drink say about you as a teacher?
Are you always up for a banter-ous bottle of Heineken or more for the cosy lifestyle of a comforting Irish Cream? Keep reading to find out.
Gin
Rather melancholic with a little hint of sourness, normally focused on how much the education world has changed. They’ve normally been in the profession for a long time and don’t find it what it used to be, often saying the kids get worse every year and starting conversations with “back in my day”. Typically starting the lesson with a level of dry cynicism, which to no one’s surprise, leads to a class of un-enthusiastic pupils. Students often attend this teacher’s class to catch up on sleep. It might be your choice of drink, but expect to find the bottle empty if left unattended in the staff.
Prosecco
A ray of sunshine despite having multiple years of being at the ‘chalkface’. These teachers often think they’re “trendy” and “down with the kids” and deliver “modern lessons with up-to-date teaching methods”; despite using tactics everyone else did years ago, they just didn’t shout about it. Typically found flirting with everyone, colleagues, and parents. The Year 11’s think these teachers are just tragic.
Single-malt whiskey
Been teaching for many years, a veteran, who has a library of tales about when planning was just scribbling on the blackboard as the pupils entered the class, and the pupils did as they were told too. Has worked for the school that longer than the door fittings, which is why the students fear and like them in equal measure. They know what they’re doing and how to get results, even if their methods are rusty.
Obscure craft ale
The new kid on the block. Normally found with a pinch of ‘hipster’ and a random instrument (bongos, ukulele or bagpipes) that makes them unique. They are forever forcing their hipster instrument into the lesson, even if they teach science. Tries to “connect with the kids”. Can most likely name the top 50 indie bands of 2018, but can’t tell you who the education secretary is.
Lager
The only teacher to actually be “down with the kids”, but typically doesn’t get along with the management due to their blasé approach to planning, admin and… well… anything at all. Can talk to the students without patronising them, and most of the teaching has a healthy dose of banter thrown in. They need to tread lightly around management to keep them on the side of Stella Artois and out of the Special brew territory.
Baileys
The sweet and emphatic type, always determined to see the good in pupils. They often call students & staff “sweetheart” and are hiding an endless supply of glittery “I tried hard” stickers. Typically found with a “thinking chair” in the classroom where you put the misbehaving pupils so they can think about how to improve their behaviour. Ironically these students never come to a satisfactory conclusion, no matter how often they sit on it….
Red wine
Or any wine really. There are a lot of times when a good old wine just seems like the backbone of the entire education system. Always dependable, gets the job done and hardworking. Wine is the choice for the every-man of teachers.
Cheers, everybody.
